When you come down from that experience.
It’s probably easy to reduce it to chemical levels in pleasure receptors wearing off.
But it also feels like re-recognition of self and the boundaries between self and Other.
And then the impulse is to find something in which to dissolve and it can’t happen soon enough or completely enough.
They call it grasping. And damn it if you don’t grasp.
Play that song. Hand me that cigarette. Let me say my “I love you” mantra until the subject and object are exhausted and only the verb remains, timelessly.
My parents planned, and I felt myself adapt to the family needs. Not needs exactly, it was clearly a vacation.
I urgently wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to ride the roller coasters and swim. It was urgent that I swim.
In the beach house, we planned for food, which made me impatient. I volunteered to wash the bed sheets, and calculated how many ocean hours I could manage before we left the shore.
And then there you were again, asleep. And my heart sparkled. And the universe became you, and me its servant, curious and willing and grateful.
heavy, heavy feelings
all the prana in my arms right now i could either fly or whack a million moles
it’s just uddiyana bandha, the habit-reaction to seeing my Loved One
Side note: reading The Power of Now, which is about 2/3 garbage so far. Reminds me of really bad elementary math text books that water down/misrepresent mathematical truths.
I recognize in my body a rampant serving of those post-fucking chemicals that I usually label as being in love. (Ignorant liking?)
Recognizing that this feeling does not come from my self-existently wonderful partner will not prevent me from thinking him wonderful, nor will it stop me from “being in love.”
I’ve been so in love with studying lately. I went to Hector’s class instead of asana last night. If you know my habits, that’s remarkable.
There was a point at which Hector talked about kindness not being considered cool.
Me: “But being kind is radical. And being radical is cool.”
The transitive property is everywhere.
From the List of Unusual Compliments:
Andy: “You’re like the lunch lady of yourself.”
I’m trying out:
placing my left palm on my heart, and my right palm against it during the sound of OM.
You can really feel it in your hands that way.
I like it.
From the List of Unusual Compliments
Kedre: “that might be the creepiest description of back to the future i’ve ever heard”
In reference to:
Erin Luhks: I need my son to come back from the future and lead me into the seduction of his future father.
Erin Luhks: Because I’m feeling a little too Marty McFly right now.